Do I believe marriage is BS? Often times, yes. Behind closed doors, many happy couples are not what they seem.
Do I believe some marriages are blissful and the perfect match? Of course--you just have to meet my parents.
Why is it so hard for most marriages to work, then? Specifically black marriages? Our divorce rate is 20 percent higher than whites. Black men divorce black women, 10 percent more frequently than they divorce white women. Do we as black women really have attitude problems, emasculate our men, or push too hard? Do black men think that white and other is better than black? Do women put up with less than they did in past generations or have they stopped looking the other way?
I didn't mean to get this deep with it.
Marriage is not something to be forced because you are ready to take the "next step" or because everyone else around you is doing it and it may not be for everyone. I believe that marriage is truly hard work and both parties must respect and be down for each other. We need more strong black couples and strong black family units. There are so few examples of a stable family environment for many black children growing up.
3 comments:
It is really unfortunate that less and less black men are willing to marry us! I think the reasons differ but I do believe it has a lot to do with the fact that black women are probably the most independent women you will find but that stems back from slavery and it is hard to change. Is it necessary a bad thing?? No but I do think that we need to be a little more submissive and domestic and cater to our black men...those who deserve to be catered to. If your man got his shit together women you need to be more willing to let him take charge and learn your role in the household. A man chooses his wife not the other way around. If you really want to be married then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Am I too old school?
you are right...women do need to understand submission and stop letting their pride get in the way...being submissive does not mean that you are a slave...you are just in line with the mans mission...his vision...at the same time men need to understand that being the head does not = control...you are not the womans leader or her daddy.
Men must take their share of the blame in the we-are-not-marrying issue as well. Many black men, in particular, want to chase tail, go to the club, and uphold a player image far longer than is healthy in my opinion. OK we all played around in college, but many black men don't seem to know when the party must end. More black women are turning to white men (I have two girlfriends that are dating white men right now) because they are the ones who are looking to settle down and start families while black men are still out "spreading their seeds" so to speak. It almost seems that being manly actually is equivolent to being a mack and that settling down with the right woman is somehow square in some black subcultures.
In turn, we as black women need to start appreciating the "nerds" more. I don't know how many times I've actually heard a woman say, "He's too nice." Absurd! Many women are attracted to that bad boy and often let the guy with his head on straight pass by. There is a huge problem here.
As far as marriage goes, summer921, I do not think that marriage is just a social construct or religious expectation. I believe that marriage is a way of telling the world that you are committing your life to the well-being of two, instead of one. It's a statement that you don't need or want anyone else for the rest of your life. Can you be just as committed without marriage? I don't think so. For me, marriage is a promise to your mate and to God, and it transcends the boyfriend-girlfriend thing.
My two cents
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